A lighthearted satire on sitting just a little too long in church. Music by Kevin G. Pace. Text by Mark R. Fotheringham. Could be sung as a vocal solo or unison choir.

YouTube video: The Church Pew Blues, 12 bar vocal solo

Text:
I'm a settin' here on Sunday.
Got my Sheila by my side.
Yes, I'm settin' here on Sunday,
Here with Sheila by my side.
Though I sit here on a Sunday,
You know I'd rather be outside.

My back and bones be breakin'
Settin' on this wooden pew.
Yeah my back and bones are breakin'
On this cold, hard, wooden pew.
Well, I guess I won't be snoozin'
Down here in the pastor's view.

Now, if my head starts noddin'
Sheila gives my ribs a crack.
Yes, if my head starts to noddin'
Sheila gives my ribs a crack.
Lord, before I gets to heaven,
Please bring softer elbows back.

Lord, I am a sinner.
I'm a sinner and a hack.
Lord, I am a sinner,
A big ol' sinner and a hack.
So though your pews be painful,
Guess my butt be comin' back.

Still settin' here each Sunday
On this old hard wooden pew.
I'm still settin' here each Sunday,
On this painful wooden pew.
No, there won't be any nappin'
'Til these services are through.

If there be church in heaven,
I am sure all will be well.
Yes, if there's church in heaven,
I'm quite certain all will be well.
With our wings, we will be flyin'
And all them pews will be in hell.

OH YEAH!